girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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