I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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