Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
420 ftw
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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