My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
