just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
