Non-Jews are for practice
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
