my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
