pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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