Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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