Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
