She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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