Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
