she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
