dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We need to feng shui this bitch.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
