Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize