We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
