Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
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You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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