I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
