New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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