A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
