i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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