i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize