Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
