My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
