no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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