The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
