I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
