thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
