haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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