you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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