im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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