Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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