she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
