Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i barfeds in our rink
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
