Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
