the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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