doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
