if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
