She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think a kid would responsible me up
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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