When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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