I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
