My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
