fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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