I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
