my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
