how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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