I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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