apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
