I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He shit in the fireplace
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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