He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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