I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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