Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
