I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
