You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
