I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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