I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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