Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
