If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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