so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
