and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
