fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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