Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
