8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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