She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
organizing the empties. That sober.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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