You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
