he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you had me at cake vodka
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
