so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
