You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
