i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
