Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
