I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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