fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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