Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I checked into jail on foursquare
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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